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thank you for calling your local bofh, what did you break this time?

thank you for calling your local bofh, what did you break this time? published on No Comments on thank you for calling your local bofh, what did you break this time?

So, BOFH is shorthand for Bastard Operator From Hell. It’s a series written and published via El Reg.
A true BOFH should be a master at not only scripting languages, systems administration, and troubleshooting, but also bullshitting people into seemingly self-inspired avoidance of the IT guy.

I recently received a work-order for system freezing, apps crashing, and in-general the computer did this:

…a lot.

The following logs have been changed, usernames were altered to protect the incompetent:

C:\Users\bob>taskkill /f /im chrome.exe
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8444 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9932 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10076 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9092 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10236 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6380 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9212 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2392 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2360 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6924 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 992 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6028 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10140 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2708 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9340 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3716 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9440 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3436 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10788 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11224 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4220 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7296 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5204 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9432 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8036 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9624 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8532 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4564 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3160 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8988 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7392 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4520 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10440 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8120 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7488 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11696 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4252 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8824 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 524 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5300 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12076 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7456 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5992 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5400 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12928 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13100 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8908 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12936 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 1796 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9676 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12420 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9672 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10180 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2816 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6068 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13076 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12460 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11148 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7236 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12940 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4056 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12880 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 1584 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10524 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9984 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13200 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12048 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8328 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13704 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13980 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13624 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14248 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6456 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7352 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2740 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13048 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10204 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11552 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4060 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12272 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 2424 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3916 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12380 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11296 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10936 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4472 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14328 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11056 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9304 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8812 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8632 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9084 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7884 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11928 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8672 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14840 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7564 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10416 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12564 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6548 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11536 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16124 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11348 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7240 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 1784 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14888 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11788 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9872 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13172 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3008 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8064 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14376 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 1524 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14072 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16612 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16252 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14676 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17376 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16276 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14948 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12160 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16460 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17116 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11352 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17212 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8340 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10264 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12152 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13244 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14620 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7960 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15588 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14856 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13924 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17700 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12884 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14008 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17904 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17048 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16504 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15564 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 4308 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17932 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17744 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14912 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15424 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11496 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16712 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10672 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15988 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12400 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5584 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14144 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 9976 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15076 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11684 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11452 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17292 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6744 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 6572 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15712 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15368 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16192 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16732 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14864 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13856 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14684 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 3924 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13492 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17464 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13380 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18284 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16568 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17716 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 5788 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13332 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17628 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10016 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12508 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14692 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16208 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8520 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13672 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16008 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14420 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11516 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13956 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18996 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 10852 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13932 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13728 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7940 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19440 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17936 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18040 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15896 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19136 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 13368 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17392 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17248 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15252 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12532 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 20452 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18272 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 20816 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 11896 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19408 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19148 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17188 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 20952 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16232 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17556 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 21208 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 20204 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 8860 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 21468 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 7176 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 15152 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17824 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18596 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14252 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 20104 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17992 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 1544 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 12716 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 21272 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17380 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19356 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 16364 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 19964 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 14360 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 18752 has been terminated.
SUCCESS: The process "chrome.exe" with PID 17948 has been terminated.

Small wonder their workstation ( a wimpy little machine with only 4gb of RAM ) was freezing.

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