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spammah! published on No Comments on spammah!

A few weeks ago, I got a pretty random text message. Something to the effect of “reply immediately”.

So I did… and this is what I got back.


Thank you for responding to my text message about the important discussion. I apologize to encroach into your privacy in this manner. I pray that this mail find’s you in good health, I decided to contact you if you may be willing and interested to handle these trust funds in good faith before I come over. I am presently writing this mail to you from U.S Military base Kabul Afghanistan hoping that you will assist me. I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in this deal. I know you don’t know me but I mean no harm sending you this note, just that I don’t have anyone out there to talk to, as I lost my parents in a car Accident when I was 11 years old, I was raised up by my adopted aged parents, but they died years ago, the relatives of my adopted Parents throw me out of the house saying that I was not their real daughter. I know you can handle this money for me until I come over to meet with you, we can also build friendship with this transaction. I lived in Lake Jackson, Texas before joining the Force.

You may be wondering why I choose to trust a delicate matter like this in the care of a stranger, but this is the best I can do in my present situation and I would have trusted this kind of project in the hands of my Husband who was my closest confidant, but I lost him to cancer on 22nd April, 2006 5months after we got married, and my only brother has ruined his life with hard drugs but he currently in rehab, hence my decision to work with a neutral person if we can establish some trust between ourselves instead of confiding in my buddies back home so that this little secret can be preserved.

Let me start by introducing myself. my name is SGT. Kelsey Brown, I’m assigned to 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division [3] Afghanistan. I am a Medic in the US Army currently stationed in a war zone in Afghanistan. I’m seeking for your partnership in a business deal, your duty as a partner is to assist me receive my consignment package containing the sum of $5,900,000.00USD Five Million, Nine Hundred Thousand US dollars cash of which you will be rewarded with 25% of the total in exchange for helping me to receive the packages and keeping my share of 75% safe As far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here in Afghanistan.

I and some other high-ranking Officers made some deal on oil business over here in Kabul before my exit to Ghazi, Afghanistan. The deal worth $132 Million United States Dollars and after we’ve all shared the money I later realize $5.9 Million U.S Dollars which is my personal share of the deal, due to my status as a US Sergeant, I am not be able to move this huge funds to my account in United States to avoid further interrogation or face any kind of probation by the U.S government and I packaged my own share in a Digital lockbox and have sent it to the Red-Cross society, because there is no other way out to keep it with me here, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, as I have deposited the consignment as a family valuable. Your acceptance to this would encourage me to send further information for us to proceed.

Furthermore, if my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. I believe that such opportunities only come ones’ way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by. For once I find myself in total control of my destiny. This chance won’t pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance but make it a big reality for me, a quantum leap to a brighter horizon. If you will not work with me let me know so I find someone who can help me and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences might be, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained, and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Do not betray my confidence.

If you wish to proceed with this, please get back to me.
Your Partner,
SGT. Kelsey Brown

I couldn’t resist the temptation now, I have to fuck with them.

Hi Sgt. Brown,

It sounds like you found a rather lucrative opportunity in a pretty unpleasant location. You are aware that there are no international laws against starting a business in one nation and storing the proceeds in another, right? So long as you meet the relevant tax/tariff requirements, it’s usually a non-issue.

Out of curiosity, and to satisfy some of that trust need you spoke to… What is your MOS currently? Additionally, where were you stationed for AIT? What province are you currently in? Where/when did you attend basic?

I happen to be a veteran myself, and could be familiar (or possibly more than) with such details. I also may be able to verify your identity through the US Army Records and Veterans Administration Records. given some of these details.


I await their reply.

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